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Gotta Have the Balls

Tom Neilson
Language: English


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[2012]
Lyrics & Music by Tom Neilson
Album: Where Greenland Used To Be

Where Greenland Used To Be

An account of Tom Neilson my best friend, Geoff, beat the draft during Vietnam.. (T.N.)
Fine and funny story..
It was back in 1970
during the 1st lottery
When Geoffrey drew the #4.
He went down to his induction,
not knowing his malfunction
When the Doctor started to explore.

He had him cough, stick out his tongue, say «Ahhh»
Took his pressure, pulse, then the Doctor saw
When he went to Jeffrey's scrotum
To see how he did tote 'em
He discovered that he only had one ball.

You see at birth one testicle was upended
So only one of them descended.
Cryptorchidism's what ya call it
And it's important to the army how you haul it..
Flat feet and venereal infection,
Esophagitis – all reasons for rejection..

But Geoffrey's only flaw
from his toenails to his jaw
Was a missing testicle upon inspection..

Oh he needed one more ball
For the army protocol..
His testicular action
was only a fraction..
If you're gonna do some killin',
Two gonads must be chillin'
When tour of duty calls,
You've gotta have the balls

Now you can be all you can be if a technicality
Under examination doesn't get detected
'Cause if your anatomy has peculiarity,
it's probably gonna leave you deselected..
GI function abnormality
schizophrenic psychiatric history…
And in your underwear,
you gotta have a pair
to be in Army uniformity..

Oh he needed one more ball
for the army protocol
His testicular action
was only a fraction.
If you're gonna do some killin',
two gonads must be chillin'
When tour of duty calls,
you gotta have the balls!

The Doctor said he could sign a waiver.
Geoff said: « Doc, don't do me any favor.
You know all about my jewels
And there's a reason the Army has these rules.
I'll take that 4F classification.
Two balls you need to go warrin' for the Nation »
Yes he didn't have the package
hanging in his sackage.
He could've served his country but,
He needed one more nut.

Oh he needed one more ball
For the army protocol
His testicular action
Was only a fraction..
If you're gonna do some killin',
Two gonads must be chillin'
When tour of duty calls,
You got to have the balls!

Contributed by giorgio - 2013/2/27 - 09:05



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