Album: Slash and Burn (Artemis, 2004)
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
Now buddy 'ro, I wrote down a song for you,
it's gonna get you read right, and awful blue.
Yer gonna trade in your boots for some walkin' shoes
when I'm done learnin you how us real cowboys do.
Don't be scared, I ain't even gonna use yer name
when I pick apart your act and bring yer whole life to shame.
You ain't nothin but a oil tycoon.
You ate yer whole life from a silver spoon.
The whole country knows you're an aristocrat goon,
but still you ain't got the sense to know when it's high noon?
Yer daddy bought you a ranch, you thought it was cool.
You drank mint juleps by the swimmin' pool
and flunked school, while the hired hands did all the work.
You carried on and partied like a frat-boy jerk.
Y'see, we rode the herd while you got the free ride.
What yer kind represents makes my poor grandma cry.
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
When being a ranger became your wet dream,
the closest you could come was buy a baseball team?
Then they bought you your way in the old Whitewash House,
the first cowboy ever that was afraid of a mouse.
You out and bought you a hat and some boots
to add to yer collection of photo-op suits.
And, sure, you looked cute in yer new suit of clothes,
but what was that white line going up yer nose?
Why if you so much rode a horse for a half mile ride
you'd cry home to mommy about yer little raw hide.
You never were a soldier, but you wore the uniform
to look like you've got the guts to go out in a storm.
Meanwhile our kids go do your dirty work,
while you and your oil buddies get raises and perks.
Still, you don't get why no one here's fooled.
Why, if I said "ho' the do'," would you get a garden tool?
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
Now here's one that'll bring you on down to your knees:
to tell an oilman from a real southerner, please!
All you have to do is put your nose in the breeze.
Only one of em'll make you haul off and sneeze...
The other one'll make you lock your wife and children in the house.
You remember when they flew you out onto that boat
and your PR firm decided to inflate your coat?
I guess that was so you could float. Or by chance,
was that so millions of children would look at your pants?
Now I's tellin ya this cause we all get a wail
when an oilman tells you he swaths and he bails.
But don't look so sad bud, your check's in the mail.
In the meantime, try some vinegar on yer kale.
Now friends, that's all I've come here to say.
I've ridden that hot air Texas tornado away.
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
Now buddy 'ro, I wrote down a song for you,
it's gonna get you read right, and awful blue.
Yer gonna trade in your boots for some walkin' shoes
when I'm done learnin you how us real cowboys do.
Don't be scared, I ain't even gonna use yer name
when I pick apart your act and bring yer whole life to shame.
You ain't nothin but a oil tycoon.
You ate yer whole life from a silver spoon.
The whole country knows you're an aristocrat goon,
but still you ain't got the sense to know when it's high noon?
Yer daddy bought you a ranch, you thought it was cool.
You drank mint juleps by the swimmin' pool
and flunked school, while the hired hands did all the work.
You carried on and partied like a frat-boy jerk.
Y'see, we rode the herd while you got the free ride.
What yer kind represents makes my poor grandma cry.
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
When being a ranger became your wet dream,
the closest you could come was buy a baseball team?
Then they bought you your way in the old Whitewash House,
the first cowboy ever that was afraid of a mouse.
You out and bought you a hat and some boots
to add to yer collection of photo-op suits.
And, sure, you looked cute in yer new suit of clothes,
but what was that white line going up yer nose?
Why if you so much rode a horse for a half mile ride
you'd cry home to mommy about yer little raw hide.
You never were a soldier, but you wore the uniform
to look like you've got the guts to go out in a storm.
Meanwhile our kids go do your dirty work,
while you and your oil buddies get raises and perks.
Still, you don't get why no one here's fooled.
Why, if I said "ho' the do'," would you get a garden tool?
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
Now here's one that'll bring you on down to your knees:
to tell an oilman from a real southerner, please!
All you have to do is put your nose in the breeze.
Only one of em'll make you haul off and sneeze...
The other one'll make you lock your wife and children in the house.
You remember when they flew you out onto that boat
and your PR firm decided to inflate your coat?
I guess that was so you could float. Or by chance,
was that so millions of children would look at your pants?
Now I's tellin ya this cause we all get a wail
when an oilman tells you he swaths and he bails.
But don't look so sad bud, your check's in the mail.
In the meantime, try some vinegar on yer kale.
Now friends, that's all I've come here to say.
I've ridden that hot air Texas tornado away.
You ain't a cowboy because you wear the clothes,
no one here is fooled by what yer up to.
You can't stop this. The harder that you try,
The harder it's gonna roll all over you.
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